Confucius and Buddha

In the East, Confucius and Buddha are taken vary seriously. They form the

The teaching Confucius. Portrait by Wu Daozi, ...

The teaching Confucius. Portrait by Wu Daozi, 685-758, Tang Dynasty. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

basis of beliefs, life style and religious study. From Religious Tolerance.Org Estimates of the number of adherents of Confucianism vary over a range of almost 60 times! For example, on 2009-SEP-28, WikiAnswers® responded differently to two almost identical questions submitted by their visitors. To the question: “World wide how many people follow Confucianism? Answers vary from between 6 million to 350 million”. The former estimate refers to individuals who follow Confucianism to the exclusion of all other religions.

Confucius (551–479 BC) [From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia] was a Chinese teacher, editor, politician, and philosopher of the Spring and Autumn period of Chinese history.

The philosophy of Confucius emphasized personal and governmental morality, correctness of social relationships, justice and sincerity.

My personal favourite is No. 5 in the below list: “To know that you know, and to know that you don’t know – that is real wisdom.”

Confucius Quotes and Sayings – Top 10 . http://youtu.be/i-GXWxDbMXQ

Published on Apr 21, 2012

Quotes of wisdom by Confucius, the Chinese thinker and social philosopher.

Buddhism is a path of practice and spiritual development leading to Insight into the true nature of reality. Buddhist practices like meditation are means of changing yourself in order to develop the qualities of awareness, kindness, and wisdom. Buddhism – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia is defined as a religion indigenous to the Indian subcontinent that encompasses a variety of traditions, beliefs and practices largely based on teachings attributed to Siddhartha Gautama, who is commonly known as the Buddha, meaning “the awakened one”. Buddha was an Eastern sage, thinker and social philosopher; a native of the ancient Shakya republic in the Himalayan foothills, Gautama Buddha taught primarily in northeastern India. Buddhism currently has about 376 million followers and is generally listed as the world’s fourth largest religion after Christianity, Islam and Hinduism. Many would agree that Buddhism is a philosophy rather than a religion:

Buddha (563 BCE–483 BCE) – Quotes to Live By . http://youtu.be/LMtrC_qFYl8

Published on Apr 14, 2012

Beautiful and Inspiring quotes from Buddha

Siddhartha Gautama meditating.

Siddhartha Gautama meditating. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In the West, we tend to make humourous or trivialize much of what Confucius, even Buddha, really said. For instance:

CONFUCIUS DID NOTSAY…

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman’s leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired.

Man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs

Finally CONFUCIUS ALSO DID NOT SAY. . …“A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!”

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Notices and Advertisements – 3 of 3 (for Tuesday, September 17, 2013)

Notices and Advertisements– 1 of 3 (for Tuesday, September 3, 2013)

Notices and Advertisements – 2 of 3 (for Tuesday, September 10, 2013)

Notices and Advertisements – 3 of 3  (for Tuesday, September 17, 2013) – FINAL, THIS SERIES

The following Notices and Advertisements are certainly “Questionable” in more ways than one. I am sure that many of the readers of these will not grasp their original intent.

Off we go again, then , , , , , , ,John's Images - 534060_541824789176671_1324810968_n

61:: Newspaper Headings

a: :”Prostitutes appeal to the Pope”

b: “ Dr. Tackett gives a Talk on the Moon”

c: “Reynolds to press his suit in Rome”.

d: “Headless Blonde Found in Thames”

e: “Bar trying to help Alcoholic Lawyers”

f: “Red Tape holds up New Bridge”

g: “Joint Chiefs Head will be Replaced”

h: “Man survived 17 Days on Flying Fish

i: “Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in a Queue in a Super-Market”

62: All the following are taken from the book “FUNNY SIGNS” compiled by the GETAWAY magazine (Ramsay Son and Parker 1999). The signs and notices etc: are supported by actual photographs.

a: In an Estate Agents Window “BUY YOUR OWN CONDOM,,,, R570 INITIAL l DEPOSIT “.

b: Notice outside a Nursery: “SUPPORT OUR AGED ROSES R35 PER BUSH”.

c: Outside a Funeral Parlor: “WE SELL COFFINS. BUY ONE AND GET ONE FREE”.

d: In Eshowe, KwaZulu-Natal:

“FALSE TEETH FOR SALE. ONE OWNER”

e: Road Sign in Swaziland: “SLOW BORDER CONTROL POST AHEAD”.

f: An actual notice in a forbidden section in a Nature Reserve, Knysna:

IS THERE LIFE AFTER DEATH ? … TRESPASS HERE AND FIND OUT

g: Seen in a Namibian Coastal Town:

”TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT. ANY SURVIVORS WILL BE SHOT AGAIN”.

h: Seen on the Natal South Coast, South Africa :

“NEVER MIND THE DOG….BEWARE OF MY WIFE!!”

i: On a Toilet door, Ngorongoro Crater (wherever is that?):

“CLOSE DOOR,,,VERY STRONG WIND”

j: Road Sign near East London: “ROUND ABOUT 500M AHEAD REDUCE SPEED”. (Not until then Hey What?!).

k: Near the Victoria Falls: “CAUTION: WILD ANIMALS DRIVE WITH CAR”.

l: In the Royal National Park: “CAUTION: CHILDREN PLEASE DRIVE SLOWLY” (Do they think that there might be a Sterling Moss amongst them ?!!).

m: In Botswana: “PLEASE CLOSE THIS GATE”.(But WE are allowed to keep them open, presumably!!)

n: Warning Notice in Smitswinkel Bay, Cape Peninsula | South Africa

PLEASE DO NOT FEED OR STAMP ON THE Pofadder – Bitis arietans [Pofadder is the Afrikaans name for puff adder (snake)].

o: In the Sweet Waters Game Reserve, Mount Kenya: “ THIS BRIDGE IS RATED FOR A MAXIMUM OF ELEVEN TONS. ELEPHANTS ARE THEREFORE REQUESTED TO CROSS TWO AT A TIME ONLY”.

p: In a Game Park in Madagascar: “VISITORS WHO THROW LITTER INTO THIS CROCODILE ENCLOSURE WILL BE ASKED TO RETRIEVE IT”

q: Notice on a Golf Course in Northern Natal: “DANGER: UNTREATED WATER. DON’T DRINK IT OR LICK YOUR BALLS”.

r: In a Golf Club Toilet: ”Golfers are requested not to wash their balls in the sinks”

s: Sign at a Spa at the ‘Royal Swazi Sun’: “THIS IS A HEALTH SPA. YOU ARE THEREFORE ENTERING THIS POOL AREA AT YOUR OWN RISK”.

  • END – This three part series. –

PS: I’ve received many remarkable nature photographs over the years but this photo of a nesting Falcon is perhaps the most remarkable Nature shot that I’ve ever seen. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Nature is truly breath-taking! A FALCON NESTING IN A TREEhttp://i.imgur.com/YW6Fufm.jpg

Notices and Advertisements, Continues – 2 of 3

mini-Canon - July 2, 2008 071

Notices and Advertisements– 1 of 3 (for Tuesday, September 3, 2013)

Notices and Advertisements – 2 of 3 (for Tuesday, September 10, 2013)

Notices and Advertisements – 3 of 3 (for (Tuesday, September 17, 2013)

The following Notices and Advertisements are certainly “Questionable” in more ways than one. I am sure that many of the readers of these will not grasp their original intent.

Off we go then , , , , , , ,

30: Notice in an African Game Park:

OUR WILDLIFE PARK IS FAMOUS FOR ATTACKING TOURISTS.

31: Seen on a Game Park Notice near Uppington,South Africa

NO DOGS ALLOWED EXCEPT ON LEASHES OR BICYCLES.

32: Notice in a Local Newspaper

Next Saturday, a Baby Show will be held in the Town Hall. We expect there to be about sixty one year old babies coming

33: Seen on a notice in a Lawyer’s Consulting Waiting Room

Have you a marriage problem? ,,,,,,,, If so, I can offer you a lethal solution.

34: Seen in a Medical Insurance Rules Book

Where an operation proves fatal, at least one month’s prior notice must be given

35: Seen on a Hospital Entry Application Form

If you are Female, please provide:- (a):Your Married Name, and (b) Your Mating Name.

36: Job Advert’

ENERGETIC PEOPLE REQUIRED WITHOUT GOING PERSONALITIES.

37: Seen on a Medicine Label

TAKE ONE SPOONFUL AFTER BREAKFAST AND SUFFER..

38: Notice in a Vet’s Waiting Room

WE SPECIALIZE IN CASTRATING DOGS AND CADS

39: Announcement in the Quarterly Journal of an Institute

We are very proud of the fact that our Institute has spread its testicles far and wide throughout the Country..

40: Seen in a Government Report

WE MUST HAVE MORE CUNTS IN THE MINISTRY OF DEFENCE.

41: In a Report to a Board Meeting

Before going into full production a mock-up must be organized. In the past, these cock-ups have proved most beneficial.

42: A Newspaper Heading

Nearly 100,000 people have been forced to flee from their homes in the Philippines from a Huge Tycoon

43: Notice in a Tel Aviv Hotel

If you wish to have breakfast in your room, please lift the telephone and our waitress will come and see you. This is enough to bring your food up.

44: Notice on an Irish Lift

PLEASE DO NOT USE THIS LIFT WHEN IT IS NOT WORKING.

45: Notice in a Tokyo Hotel

It is strictly forbidden to steal our towels. If you are not the person to do this, please not to read this notice.

46: Notice in a Sri Lanka Hotel

PLEASE DO NOT BATHE OUTSIDE THE BATHTUB.

47: At a Hotel Pool also in Sri Lanka

It is not recommended to use the Diving board when the Swimming Pool is empty

48: On the London Underground

LIFT AND TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE THE STAIRS.

49: In a Gents’ Toilet on a Merseyside Ferry Boat:

WE AIM TO PLEASE, YOU AIM TOO, PLEASE!!

50: Notice in a Laundromat in Tokyo

DO NOT DRINK THE WATER WHILE INSIDE THIS MACHINE.

51: Label on a box of Christmas Fairy Lights

FOR INDOOR AND OUTDOOR USE ONLY.

52: In a newspaper report Major Jenkins was called a “Battlescared veteran” and a printed apology was demanded. This apology appeared shortly afterwards and read as follows:-

“We sincerely apologise to Major Jenkins for calling him a ‘Battlescared veteran’ this, of course, should have read “A bottle scarred veteran”.

53: In a newspaper report Sergeant John Smith was called a ‘Defective in the Police Force

” We sincerely apologise to Sergeant Smith, this ,of course, should have read “ Sergeant John Smith is a Detective in the Police Farce”. \

54: In a Newspaper Report

”At Oxford, C.B. Fry’s favorite party trick was to leap from carpet onto mantelpiece from a standing tart”

55: Sign outside a Panel Beaters Workshop that is opposite to a Funeral Parlour: “NEW WINGS FITTED”

56: Notice in an Estate Agents Office

LAND-LORDS LOOKING FOR TEN ANTS FOR GOOD QUALITY HOMES.

57: Seen in an Airline Ticket Office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

58: Notice in a Shopping Centre:

“WET FLOOR, , ,PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION.

59: Notice in a Pub’

IF YOU HAVE COME HERE TO DRINK TO FORGET, , , PLEASE PAY IN ADVANCE.

60: Anti-Terrorist Notice at an Airport

IF SOMEONE PUTS ANYTHING INTO YOUR LUGGAGE WITHOUT YOUR KNOWLEDGE PLEASE REPORT THIS TO US IMMEDIATELY.

– Notices and Advertisements, Continued next Tuesday – 3 of 3 (for Tuesday, September 17, 2013) –

PS: From a friend, Pam:

“Today I (Pam) give you a mission: Come up with your roller derby name. It has to be unique— those are roller derby rules. Has to be kind of punny too without being too crude.

Examples from the International Registry:
Yeti Page
Wikibleedia
Susan B. Agony
Tart of Darkness
Auntie Climax

My roller derby name is Busta Moobs. (See what I did there? It’s a Young MC reference and, uh…man I’m old.)” ~ Pam

Notices and Advertisements – 1 of 3

P8300145

All during my life I’ve observed death and destruction. My mother died when I was eight years old, my father when I was seventeen. I was poor, nay destitute. Family, friends and mentors continually helped pull me out of the morass of deep, dark depression that followed. I felt hopelessness in that situation that confused, impeded and trapped me. My wish to go on further in life was at a end. Dead-ended with a lack of opportunities for higher education or advancement in life at 17 years old ~ I don’t think so.

My grandmother, gave me unforgettable inspirations. One was to develop and maintain a true sense of humour, for myself. Although I had never been able to make up jokes, nor tell them in any meaningful way, that is continually changing. When I was seventeen my Uncle Jack gave me a 35mm camera, for my very own. There is so much that I can do now: last Friday, August 30, 2013 I went to a children’s petting zoo to take photographs of animals and children, my great-grand children’s age. This was for an artistic project that I am working on. The children’s squeals of delight and glee are one way to help us old folks get lifted up out of the blues. And, there is so much more out there, just for the asking. For example the following series is from “Anonymous” (I have broken it into three parts).

Notices and Advertisements– 1 of 3 (for Tuesday, September 3, 2013)

Notices and Advertisements – 2 of 3 (for Tuesday, September 10, 2013)

Notices and Advertisements – 3 of 3 (for (Tuesday, September 17, 2013)  – FINAL, THIS SERIES

The following Notices and Advertisements are certainly “Questionable” in more ways than one. I am sure that many of the readers of these will not grasp their original intent.

Off we go then , , , , , , ,

1 Notice in a Laundry in Rome.
LADIES, WHY NOT LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

2: Notice in a Laundry in England

PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN YOU HAVE FINISHED.

3: A Junk Mail Advertisement:

BRAILLE DICTIONARY FOR SALE. MUST BE SEEN TO BE APPRECIATED.

4: Another Junk Mail Advertisement:

MOTIVATION TAPES FOR SALE. NEVER BEEN USED.

5: Notice in a Dry Cleaners, Bangkok:

DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR SOME FANTASTIC RESULTS.

6: Notice in a Tokyo Hotel

GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING THINGS IN BED

7: Advertisement in a French Newspaper

ALL OUR BEDROOMS ARE PROVIDED WITH FRENCH WIDOWS

8: Notice in a French Hotel.

OUR ROOMS ARE SPOTTYLESS (sp?) A CHAMBER MAID WILL DO YOU ONCE A DAY.

9: Advertisement seen on a Welsh Farm Gate

TWENTY ONE YEAR OLD LAYING HENS FOR SALE.

10 Advertisement for Donkey Rides (Donkey’s are sometime also called ‘Ass’ *) in Thailand:

COME AND ENJOY A RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS

11: Seen on a Hospital Notice Board

IT IS OUR POLICY TO DO OUR UTMOST TO SEE PATIENTS IN AGONIZING PAIN AS SOON AS WE POSSIBLY CAN.

12: Seen on a Poster in France:

ARE YOU SOMEONE WHO IS BLIND OR CANNOT READ (IE: Illiterate)? IF SO, SEE ALL THE DETAILS BELOW, BECAUSE WE CAN HELP YOU.

13: Notice in a Bangkok Temple:

IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

14: Notice In a Cocktail Lounge, Norway:

LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

15: Notice in a Doctors office, Rome:

SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

16: Notice in a Nairobi Restaurant:

CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

17: Warning Notice on the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:

TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

18: Notice in a City restaurant:

OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND ALSO AT WEEK-ENDS.

19: Notice in a Cemetery:

PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

20: Seen on the menu in a Swiss Restaurant

OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

21: Notice seen in a Tokyo Bar:

SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR LADIES WITH NUTS.

22: Notice in a Hotel in Yugoslavia:

THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

23:: Notice in a Hotel in Japan:

YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

24: Notice in a Moscow Hotel:

“YOU REALLY MUST VISIT OUR FAMOUS RUSSIAN CEMETERY, RIGHT OPPOSITE OUR HOTEL WHERE FAMOUS SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT ON THURSDAYS.

25: Also in a Moscow Hotel:

“YOU REALLY MUST ALSO VISIT OUR BIG CATHEDRAL, NEXT TO THE CEMETERY. AS YOU ENTER YOU WILL BE IMMEDIATELY STRUCK BY THE HUGE DOOR”.

26: Notice in Germany‘s Black Forest:

IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX (FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN) TO LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

27: Notice in a Hotel in Zurich:

BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOMS, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

28: IN A CHILDREN’S ZOO (A PETTING ZOO) IN ENGLAND, NOTICES ARE DISPLAYED ON THE VARIOUS PENS:

For the Zebra: “You can Kiss my Zebra”, For the Goat: ”You can kiss my Goat”, For the Pony: “You can Kiss my Pony”, For the Donkey: “You can Kiss my Donkey:” * , , , , , , , ,GOTCHA !!!

29: Notice in a Zoo in England

THE CROCODILES WILL BE FED AT 2:15 P.M. DO BRING YOUR CHILDREN.

* Asinus, a subgenus of Equus that includes the donkey and other asses

  • Donkey, Equus africanus asinus

– Continued next Tuesday – 2 of 3 – for Tuesday, September 10, 2013 –

80-year-old Saskatchewan Farmer

Image

 

Redux for some of you, my faithful followers.

 

An 80-year-old Saskatchewan farmer goes to the clinic in Saskatoon, for a check-up.

The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, ‘How do you stay in such great physical condition?’

‘I’m from Saskatchewan and in my spare time I like to hunt and fish’ says the old guy, ‘and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I’m up well before daylight, in the field ploughing and mending fences and when I’m not doing that, I’m out hunting or fishing. In the evening, I have a beer and all is well.’

‘Well’ says the doctor, ‘I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?’

‘Who said my father’s dead?’

The doctor is amazed. ‘You mean you’re 80 years old and your father’s still alive? How old is he?’

‘He’s 100 years old,’ says the old Sask boy. ‘In fact he hunted with me this morning, and then we went to the topless bar for a while and had some beer and that’s why he’s still alive. He’s a Saskatchewan farmer and he’s a hunter and fisherman too.’

‘Well,’ the doctor says, ‘that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. How about your father’s father? How old was he when he died?’

‘Who said my Grandpa‘s dead?’

Stunned, the doctor asks, ‘you mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s’ still alive?’

‘He’s 118 years old,’ says the man.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, ‘So, I guess he went hunting with you this morning too?’

‘No, Grandpa couldn’t go this morning because he’s getting married today.’

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. ‘Getting married!! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?’

‘Who said he wanted to?’

[Taken from the Internet, with apologies to unknown original author.]

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