Notices and Advertisements– 1 of 3 (for Tuesday, September 3, 2013)
Notices and Advertisements – 2 of 3 (for Tuesday, September 10, 2013)
Notices and Advertisements – 3 of 3 (for (Tuesday, September 17, 2013)
The following Notices and Advertisements are certainly “Questionable” in more ways than one. I am sure that many of the readers of these will not grasp their original intent.
Off we go then , , , , , , ,
30: Notice in an African Game Park:
OUR WILDLIFE PARK IS FAMOUS FOR ATTACKING TOURISTS.
31: Seen on a Game Park Notice near Uppington,South Africa
NO DOGS ALLOWED EXCEPT ON LEASHES OR BICYCLES.
32: Notice in a Local Newspaper
Next Saturday, a Baby Show will be held in the Town Hall. We expect there to be about sixty one year old babies coming
33: Seen on a notice in a Lawyer’s Consulting Waiting Room
Have you a marriage problem? ,,,,,,,, If so, I can offer you a lethal solution.
34: Seen in a Medical Insurance Rules Book
Where an operation proves fatal, at least one month’s prior notice must be given
35: Seen on a Hospital Entry Application Form
If you are Female, please provide:- (a):Your Married Name, and (b) Your Mating Name.
36: Job Advert’
ENERGETIC PEOPLE REQUIRED WITHOUT GOING PERSONALITIES.
37: Seen on a Medicine Label
TAKE ONE SPOONFUL AFTER BREAKFAST AND SUFFER..
38: Notice in a Vet’s Waiting Room
WE SPECIALIZE IN CASTRATING DOGS AND CADS
39: Announcement in the Quarterly Journal of an Institute
We are very proud of the fact that our Institute has spread its testicles far and wide throughout the Country..
40: Seen in a Government Report
WE MUST HAVE MORE CUNTS IN THE MINISTRY OF DEFENCE.
41: In a Report to a Board Meeting
Before going into full production a mock-up must be organized. In the past, these cock-ups have proved most beneficial.
42: A Newspaper Heading
Nearly 100,000 people have been forced to flee from their homes in the Philippines from a Huge Tycoon
43: Notice in a Tel Aviv Hotel
If you wish to have breakfast in your room, please lift the telephone and our waitress will come and see you. This is enough to bring your food up.
44: Notice on an Irish Lift
PLEASE DO NOT USE THIS LIFT WHEN IT IS NOT WORKING.
45: Notice in a Tokyo Hotel
It is strictly forbidden to steal our towels. If you are not the person to do this, please not to read this notice.
46: Notice in a Sri Lanka Hotel
PLEASE DO NOT BATHE OUTSIDE THE BATHTUB.
47: At a Hotel Pool also in Sri Lanka
It is not recommended to use the Diving board when the Swimming Pool is empty
48: On the London Underground
LIFT AND TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE THE STAIRS.
49: In a Gents’ Toilet on a Merseyside Ferry Boat:
WE AIM TO PLEASE, YOU AIM TOO, PLEASE!!
50: Notice in a Laundromat in Tokyo
DO NOT DRINK THE WATER WHILE INSIDE THIS MACHINE.
51: Label on a box of Christmas Fairy Lights
FOR INDOOR AND OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
52: In a newspaper report Major Jenkins was called a “Battlescared veteran” and a printed apology was demanded. This apology appeared shortly afterwards and read as follows:-
“We sincerely apologise to Major Jenkins for calling him a ‘Battlescared veteran’ this, of course, should have read “A bottle scarred veteran”.
53: In a newspaper report Sergeant John Smith was called a ‘Defective in the Police Force
” We sincerely apologise to Sergeant Smith, this ,of course, should have read “ Sergeant John Smith is a Detective in the Police Farce”. \
54: In a Newspaper Report
”At Oxford, C.B. Fry’s favorite party trick was to leap from carpet onto mantelpiece from a standing tart”
55: Sign outside a Panel Beaters Workshop that is opposite to a Funeral Parlour: “NEW WINGS FITTED”
56: Notice in an Estate Agents Office
LAND-LORDS LOOKING FOR TEN ANTS FOR GOOD QUALITY HOMES.
57: Seen in an Airline Ticket Office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
58: Notice in a Shopping Centre:
“WET FLOOR, , ,PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION.
59: Notice in a Pub’
IF YOU HAVE COME HERE TO DRINK TO FORGET, , , PLEASE PAY IN ADVANCE.
60: Anti-Terrorist Notice at an Airport
IF SOMEONE PUTS ANYTHING INTO YOUR LUGGAGE WITHOUT YOUR KNOWLEDGE PLEASE REPORT THIS TO US IMMEDIATELY.
– Notices and Advertisements, Continued next Tuesday – 3 of 3 (for Tuesday, September 17, 2013) –
PS: From a friend, Pam:
“Today I (Pam) give you a mission: Come up with your roller derby name. It has to be unique— those are roller derby rules. Has to be kind of punny too without being too crude.
Examples from the International Registry:
Susan B. Agony
Tart of Darkness
My roller derby name is Busta Moobs. (See what I did there? It’s a Young MC reference and, uh…man I’m old.)” ~ Pam